I would request that my body in death be buried not cremated, so that the energy content contained within it gets returned to the earth, so that flora and fauna can dine upon it, just as I have dined upon flora and fauna during my lifetime

Neil deGrasse Tyson

“It's snowing still,” said Eeyore gloomily.
“So it is.”
“And freezing.”
“Is it?”
“Yes,” said Eeyore. “However,” he said, brightening up a little, “we haven't had an earthquake lately.”

A.A. Milne, “Winnie-the-Pooh”

Massachusetts senator Daniel Webster, after seeing a pack of mules walk by: “Clay, there goes a number of your Kentucky constituents.”
Henry Clay: “Yes. They must be on their way to Massachusetts to teach school.”

Henry Clay

I'll take a drug test if you'll take an IQ test.

Senator Fritz Hollings, when challenged by his Republican opponent during a televised debate to take a drug test.

People cited violation of the First Amendment when a New Jersey schoolteacher asserted that evolution and the Big Bang are not scientific and that Noah's ark carried dinosaurs. This case is not about the need to separate church and state; it's about the need to separate ignorant, scientifically illiterate people from the ranks of teachers.

Neil deGrasse Tyson, in a letter to the editor of the New York Times

I regard the afterlife to be a fairy story for people that are afraid of the dark

Stephen Hawking

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

Tommy Cooper

Men think epilepsy divine, merely because they do not understand it. But if they called everything divine which they do not understand, why, there would be no end to divine things.

Hippocrates

Men think epilepsy divine, merely because they do not understand it… We will one day understand what causes it, and then cease to call it divine. And so it is with everything in the universe.

Hippocrates (attributed)

Science, my boy, is made up of mistakes, but they are mistakes which it is useful to make, because they lead little by little to the truth.

Jules Verne, “Journey to the Center of the Earth”

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

A.A. Milne, “Winnie-the-Pooh”

“What day is it?”, asked Winnie-the-Pooh.
“It's today,” squeaked Piglet.
“My favorite day,” said Pooh.

A.A. Milne, “Winnie-the-Pooh”

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

Elayne Boosler

“I always did whatever I liked,” she said, “but now I really can do it.”

A.A. Milne, “Once on a Time”

Once upon a time, a very long time ago now, about last Friday, Winnie-the-Pooh lived in a forest all by himself under the name of Sanders.
“What does ‘under the name’ mean?” asked Christopher Robin.
“It means he had the name over the door in gold letters, and lived under it.”

A.A. Milne, “Winnie-the-Pooh”

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

Paul Ehrlich

“It's about how to stay happy and calm under all circumstances!”, I yelled.

Benjamin Hoff, “The Tao of Pooh”

L'Ordine è la virtù dei mediocri

“Order is the virtue of the mediocre”

Film “Una Giornata Particolare” (also attributed to Shakespeare)

“Hallo, Rabbit,” he said, “is that you?”
“Let’s pretend it isn’t,” said Rabbit, “and see what happens.”

A.A. Milne, “Winnie-the-Pooh”

Highly organized research is guaranteed to produce nothing new.

Frank Herbert, “Dune”

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Jack Benny

Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.

Edsger Dijkstra

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Edsger Dijkstra

I really didn't foresee the Internet. But then, neither did the computer industry. Not that that tells us very much of course — the computer industry didn't even foresee that the century was going to end.

Douglas Adams

An ocean traveler has even more vividly the impression that the ocean is made of waves than that it is made of water.

Sir Arthur Eddington