If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.

Marilyn Monroe

I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.

Audrey Hepburn

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

George Carlin

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.

Linda Grayson

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

Mark Twain

If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.

Haruki Murakami, “Norwegian Wood”

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Mark Twain

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

George Carlin

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

George Carlin

Verily, knowledge is a lock and its key is the question.

Imam Jafar Al-Sadiq AS

Your excellency, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Pierre-Simon Laplace, to Napoleon, when asked why there's no mention of God in his “Mécanique céleste”

The president of the United States [George W. Bush (ed.)] has claimed, on more than one occasion, to be in dialogue with God. If he said that he was talking to God through his hairdryer, this would precipitate a national emergency. I fail to see how the addition of a hairdryer makes the claim more ridiculous or offensive.

Sam Harris, “Letter to a Christian Nation”

You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them.

Ray Bradbury

In fact, “atheism” is a term that should not even exist. No one ever needs to identify himself as a “non-astrologer” or a “non-alchemist”. We do not have words for people who doubt that Elvis is still alive or that aliens have traversed the galaxy only to molest ranchers and their cattle. Atheism is nothing more than the noises reasonable people make in the presence of unjustified religious beliefs.

Sam Harris, “Letter to a Christian Nation”

It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.

Marlene Dietrich

Well-behaved women seldom make history.

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

We are like dwarfs on the shoulders of giants, so that we can see more than they…

Bernard of Chartres, referred to by Isaac Newton

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

Oliver Herford

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Isaac Asimov

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneres

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

H.G. Wells

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.

Emo Philips

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Steve Martin

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

Bill Hicks

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

Bill Cosby