Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Robert Benchley

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Johnny Carson

I like marriage. The idea.

Toni Morrison

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Mel Brooks

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

George Bernard Shaw

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.

Joan Rivers

There are, in fact, two things, science and opinion; the former begets knowledge, the latter ignorance.

Hippocrates

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.

Pablo Picasso

Truth exists — only lies are invented.

Georges Braque

I occasionally play works by contemporary composers and for two reasons. First, to discourage the composer from writing any more, and secondly to remind myself how much I appreciate Beethoven.

Jascha Heifetz

Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.

Christopher Hitchens, “The Portable Atheist”

Mother Teresa was not a friend of the poor. She was a friend of poverty. She said that suffering was a gift from God. She spent her life opposing the only known cure for poverty, which is the empowerment of women and the emancipation of them from a livestock version of compulsory reproduction.

Christopher Hitchens

The governor of Texas, who, when asked if the Bible should also be taught in Spanish, replied that 'if English was good enough for Jesus, then it's good enough for me'.

Christopher Hitchens

One must state it plainly. Religion comes from the period of human prehistory where nobody had the smallest idea what was going on. It comes from the bawling and fearful infancy of our species, and is a babyish attempt to meet our inescapable demand for knowledge.

Christopher Hitchens

The man who prays is the one who thinks that god has arranged matters all wrong, but who also thinks that he can instruct god how to put them right.

Christopher Hitchens, “Mortality”

The opposite of courage is not cowardice, it’s conformity.

John Perry Barlow

Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others.

Oscar Wilde

Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.

Terry Pratchett, “Jingo”

Fashion is what you adopt when you don’t know who you are.

Quentin Crisp

Curiosity is insubordination in its purest form.

Vladimir Nabokov

Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

Dalai Lama

The future is always scary to those who cling to the past.

Tim O'Reilly

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

When you’re young, you look at television and think, There’s a conspiracy. The networks have conspired to dumb us down. But when you get a little older, you realize that’s not true. The networks are in business to give people exactly what they want. That’s a far more depressing thought. Conspiracy is optimistic! You can shoot the bastards! We can have a revolution! But the networks are really in business to give people what they want. It’s the truth.

Steve Jobs

The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those who have not got it.

George Bernard Shaw